So the day has finally arrived. They said it couldn’t be done! Yes, the first installment of the Hector: Fat Arse of the Law Badge of carnage games is out today and currently available for download from the iTunes App Store. It feels a bit strange saying that as I have spent the best part of a year saying coming soon, or check back for more details, but no more. It gives me great pride to say ‘Click here’ to go to iTunes and get your copy now!

Hector: Badge of Carnage Episode 1

When a hostage crisis erupts in the centre of Clappers Wreake, only one man has the diplomatic finesse to defuse a simmering situation before it boils over into a stew of butchery and bloodshed: Detective Inspector Hector. He’s all they’ve got. Literally. All the other negotiators are dead. Hector has a choice to make: carry out the terrorist’s curiously altruistic demands, or watch as his fellow officers are picked off one by one. Hector’s still on the fence.

Stagger a drunken mile through the Crime Capital of Britain in the size 9s of Detective Inspector Hector: part criminalist, part kebab-fiend, all cop.

Do all the things you’ve dreamed about: hit a tramp with a crowbar, steal a young man’s trousers, kick a heroin addict into a cardboard box, enter a porn shop without embarrassment, carry a designer handbag… all in the name of justice, and all in spectacular ground-breaking 2D.

Did we mention? It’s not for kids.

This isn’t one of those bog-standard Oh-god-where-am-I-how-did-I-get-here-there’s-a-screwdriver-in-a-desk-drawer type escape games that the interweb seems to be infested with nowadays. HECTOR:BADGE OF CARNAGE takes you back to the glory days of the point ‘n click graphic adventure: nonsensical inventory items, favour-hungry reprobates, and a relentless stream of witty one-liners.

What you get:

- 18 sordid, filthy, rundown locations
- 23 well-developed & witty characters (+ 1 stinking drunk)
- 40 Inventory items (includes Free Lubricant!)
- 397 interactive objects
- 2421 spoken lines of dialogue
- Cinematic cutscenes
- Original score
- A good few hours worth of low action puzzle-solving gameplay

What we Get:

- Your cash.

Look, we honestly don’t care if you like it. We just want you to buy it. If you don’t, you’ll never see Episode 2 or 3.

Watch HECTOR: BADGE OF CARNAGE teasers and trailers on www.youtube.com/thehectorfiles or go to www.thehectorfiles.tv for more info on Hector. Or just carry on your sad little lives without paying a blind bit of notice to anything I say. Why change the habit of a lifetime.

With the launch date for the first instalment of the Hector: Fat Arse of the Law Badge of Carnage iApp fast approaching security around the studio has been stepped up to avoid any leaks being made before the official release date. Mostly in an attempt to keep the game away from Apple so they don’t realise that they have made a horrendous mistake in approving it!

But even with security tighter than a mermaid’s brassier, there was a breach late last night where a couple of intruders broke into the studio and made off with the contents of my desk. All we have to go in this grainy image from our CCTV cameras at the rear of the buildings by the wheelie bins.

Thankfully, as I don’t actually do any work, all they made off with was a computer riddled with pornography, one of those executive toys where you stick your hand into a load of pins and it looks like your hand, my Blu-Tac collection, a pen in the shape of a potato, a desk tidy filled with kirby grips and a disc that contains the greatest hits of Black Lace (CD-R).

Police have very little to go on other than the image, although I did notice a potato pen for sale on eBay today. The seller’s name was Kimbo1976. Not much of a lead but I can’t imagine there are too many potato pens out there at the minute so the police are looking into it.

So the game remains safely locked away ready to be released upon an unsuspecting world on 30th May 2010.

As a treat for all of you salivating dogs that are reading this blog waiting with baited breath for the launch of the first installment of the Hector: Badge of Carnage trilogy ‘We Negotiate with Terrorists’ here are some exclusive Wallpapers for you to download and stick on your iPhone.

They may not be quite as exciting as the game but they will have to do until May 30th when you can download the game itself and have as much of Hector smeared all over your iPhone as you like.

Pocketgamer, one of the world’s leading destination for games on Apple iPhone, iPad, iPod touch has given Hector a bit of puff on its website. Click on the image below to read the full article.

And keep an eye out for more Hector goodies in the coming weeks as the date to the laucnh edges ever closer!

Straandlooper are proud to announce release the official trailer for the upcoming release of the first installment of the Hector: Badge of Carnage trilogy of games – ‘We Negotiate with Terrorists’

Available to view now on YouTube in glorious High Definition the Hector Trailer allows you to experience Hector’s world as never before. In HD you can you can see every gritty detail of Hector’s grizzly visage, feel the blood splatters on your face and smell the faint whiff of dead cat as you are whisked through the streets of Clappers Wreake in the trailer for this exciting point and click adventure game due to be released on the iTunes App Store on May 30th 2010.

Go to www.thehectorfiles.tv to find out more information about the game and go to hell if you think that you will find a more incredible game released on the same day!

Hector: Fat Arse of the Law creator and all round Badge of Carnage doyen Dean Burke has given an exclusive interview to Slide to Play about the upcoming release of ‘We Negotiate with Teorrists’ the first in the trilogy of games for the iPhone and iPod Touch due to be released on 30th May 2010.

Click here to read the full interview. And to find out more about the release of this exciting point and click adventure game visit the Hector Files – www.thehectorfiles.tv

Now that the ‘Vote for Hector’ campaign is in it’s final run in, the poster activity has reached fever pitch. Here are just a few snapshots of the Hector posters that some of his followers have put up around his constituency, and some even further afield than that!

We can only hope that the people who have sent in these snaps will come out in force in the polls tomorrow so all of their efforts are not in vain. Hector, meanwhile has been busy on the campaign trail kissing hands and shaking babies.

It’s not too late to download your very own ‘Vote for Hector’ campaign poster. Click here and print it out and show your support for Clappers ‘s sole candidate in the upcoming elections.

Let’s hope that Hector’s exploits in the ‘Badge of Carnage’ series of games for the iPhone and iPod Touch will still be fresh in the minds of the people of Clappers Wreake when they go to the polls tomorrow. Make sure you check out how Hector handled the now infamous Terrorist situation that gripped the town when the first installment of the trilogy of games goes on sale on 30th May. Why not visit Hector’s YouTube channel to get a sneek peak – www.youtube.com/thehectorfiles

You might just have noticed that there is a General Election looming and you have all probably fallen victim to a bit of canvassing around your constituency in recent weeks. As if it’s not bad enough that politicians spend the rest of the year spending our hard earned money on their duck houses and moats, but they then have the front to come knocking on our doors and asking for us to vote for them. Well, Hector: Fat Arse of the Law has also had a titful of all this election rubbish and the damp squibs who have been vying for votes. (Although Hector did warm to Gordon Brown after the Bigot-gate Scandal. He would have called that lady a lot worse had he been given the chance!)

So in a bid to score one for the little people Hector has decided to stand for office in the borough of Clappers Wreake. And judging by the fact that no-one else is standing against him, he stands a pretty good chance. The recent branding of Clappers Wreake as ‘A great steaming log in the cistern of the Midlands’ by Hector in the upcoming iPhone App ‘We Negotiate with Terrorists’, will do little to endear him to his potential constituents, but seeing as every other candidate has ponced off as they consider Clappers Wreake to be worse than a steaming turd and beyond saving, means that Hector is currently sitting pretty in the polls.

Adopting the catchy call to arms of ‘Who Cares’, Hector hopes that his recent endeavours to save the people of Clappers Wreake from a pretty nasty terrorist situation in the ‘Badge of Carnage’ series of games, will help him to a landslide victory. That and his policies to re-introduce capital punishment to the justice system and corporal punishment to the education system.

Some people have seen his running for office as a cynical publicity exercise to try and bolster sales of the first instalment of his series of iPhone games, which goes on sale on the 30th May 2010. Rumour has it that Hector plans to introduce a mandate that will see every iPhone and iPod Touch user in the UK by forced to purchase the point and click adventure game when it goes on sale, or face hefty fines and bouts of community service. Hector refused to comment on these claims but he did say off the record that he would personally visit every one of his constituents who didn’t buy the App and introduce them to the hairy side of his hand. He also refused to comment about which side of his hand this would actually be.

So, if you have had enough of the election and all of that sort of nonsense, Vote for Hector. Because a Vote for Hector is a Vote for Change. Pocket Change.

Show your support for Hector by downloading his campaign poster here. With your help we can turn this country around back to the glory days of the early 1980′s.

For months now I have been saying ‘Keep checking the blog for news of a launch date’ and one has never arrived. Well, for those of you who have hung in there, well done, and as a reward I can now confirm that we have a launch date for the first installment of the Hector: Fat Arse of the Law ‘Badge of Carnage’ trilogy of games.

We deliberated long and hard trying to find a suitable date to launch the game. Looking for dates that would suit the scale and grandeur of an event of this magnitude. And we think we have found just the day to do it. This date has already seem some earth shattering events so it seemed only right to launch on the same day.

It is the same date, that in 1431, Joan of Arc was burned at the stake, the poor cow. In 1536, saw one of Hector’s all time idols and role model, Henry VIII marry his third wife, Jane Seymour. In 1631,  saw the publication of the first French newspaper, La Gazette, although commenting on being a bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys must have made for quite a dry read. And in 1922, saw the dedication of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. This day saw the birth of Henri-Marie-Gaston Boisnormand de Bonnechose, Peter Carl Fabergé, Mel Blanc, Manny Ramírez and Harry ‘Loadsamoney’ Enfield. And it saw the sad passing of Arnold Joost van Keppel, 1st Earl of Albemarle, Alexander Pope and Voltaire.

So, it is with great satisfaction and a huge amount of relief that I can now say that ‘We Negotiate with Terrorists’ will be launched on the App Store on the 30th May 2010!

And to whet the appetite of the salivating dogs that you are, here is an exclusive teaser of the game.

So now you know. Put it in your diary. Or if you don’t have a diary, remember it. Think of it as the day after the 29th May, that should make it easier to remember.