Meet Meeks

It’s that time of the week, where I introduce another character from the upcoming Hector iApp ‘We Negotiate with Terrorists’ . I’m not sure if I do this every Friday, and whether it merits the use of a ‘It’s that time of week…’ type of introduction but I might start making a habit of it so it I can use it. This week it is Hector’s boss (and my personal favourite), Chief Superintendent Meeks

Contrary to the cliche, Hector’s boss is a paper-pushing pansy. He never leaves his office, more concerned about paperwork, PC-ness and statistics than anything else: if the jails are full and the forms are all signed, he must be doing a good job!

His obsessive compulsive approach to paperwork has seen the introduction to the Clappers Wreake Police service of much maligned ‘Form Requisition Form’ where you have to fill out a form to request the form you need and then receive a form receipt form and a form requisition acknowledgement contract. As far as Meeks is concerned this has been one of his greatest triumphs. On Meek’s watch you can’t even go to the bathroom without filling out the relevant paperwork.

Hector knows that Meeks is a push-over, and he frequently pushes Meeks’ buttons by accidentally spilling tea over his paperwork or breaks wind with first filling out the proper ‘Gas Expulsion Authorisation Form’. But Meeks is unflappable and eternally cheery. Hector can’t seem to grasp why Meeks will not rise to his provocations, and despite Meeks being a pleasure to work with Hector always thinks that he his busting his balls.

His worst fear is that one day he will be replaced by a computer. He has an old money posh wife who has slept with just about everyone on the force behind his back. Sadly, Meeks has been impotent for years and tends to turn a blind eye (either that or he is clueless).